September 24, 2003
Santa Barbara, California, USA

5:36pm. Information is valuable. People are powerful. Let's get creative.

Monday night I reached a peak at the Faulkner Gallery. Looking out over my path of possessions, I thought upon the memories of experiences tied to them. About forty people came to the show in total and I shared thoughts on the value of stuff and what makes an object meaningful. These rocks I've picked up, what are they worth? When I hold one, it reminds me of the time and place it was found, and is symbolic of holding on the that memory. To let go of it may mean losing a memory. No one else will appreciate it as I do. It is "my precious!"

I emptied my spaceship on the gallery floor, laying out my life for all to see, from dirty underwear to unedited journal note books, I was transparent and vulnerable. Guests were invited to pick up, examine and take home anything with the right offer in order to lighten my load, but first I1d tell the story of where it came from and what it meant to me to project the value on to it. Lou took home a huge snail shell from the mountain of Death, Joel bought two spiky sea shells from Roblito, and Susan got a Turtle Shell also from Roblito. One girl took a book, Reshaping Society; a couple men wore home necklaces: one of bamboo and fish vertebrae from the market in Mazatlan, and another necklace from Tibet I picked up at the Summer of Love 30th anniversary in Golden Gate Park in 97.

Income from donations and selling stuff came to $88 with $40 taken off for the cost of renting the space. I worked hard for several days seeking support from local businesses in exchange for advertising on the 500 invitation brochures that I personally put in people's hands, but I couldn1t get a dime, being told that they give to many charities already and money is tight. The support I did get was in the form of trade. Coyote Photo developed seven rolls of prints and Ross Camera gave me a projector lamp bulb worth $35, for which I am grateful! To get the brochures printed, I gave Ross at Coastal Graphics fancy new butane lighter given to me by a sales rep at the outdoor retailers show in Salt Lake.

One day, almost broke and needing gas, a man named Richard walking by my spaceship stopped to ask "What do you do?" After I told him, he suggested I visit the Krishnamurti Center in Ojai. "What is the cheapest way to get there gas-wise?" I wanted to know. Richard then handed me $20, saying he is a chauffer that was just given a $50 tip from a music producer. Richard said I should also visit Dance Away on Friday night at the Unitarian church, ...which I did and met a bunch of amazing people. It is a free-form dance space much like Body Choir in Austin, where many types of music are played and people just feel it out interacting with others or in their own little world. After Dance Away, Susan, an inspired teacher frustrated with the system took me to dinner at Roy's, a fancy joint where we enjoyed a delicious meal with great conversation while a jazz duo played tunes like stuff from Buena Vista Social Club. Susan has developed a meathod of teaching the alphabet that uses word association personal to the kids. Instead of "D" is for dog, they say "D" as is Doug, who is a member of the class that they all know. I'm find out more and share that later.

Headed to Circus Wednesdays in the park, I saw little kids with mud on their faces like a scene out of Lord of the Flies, and they were making fires with bow-drills on the sidewalk. It was a wilderness youth project after school program. I showed them pictures and told my Mountain of Death story, then asked the leaders where I might find support for my show, adding that I'd had a hard time thus far. Jesse, a tall shiny woman, assured me that things would work out and I'd reach my objective. "I can feel it; just stay positive," she said, then went to her car and came back with $20 for me.

Circus Wednesdays, a play session gathering of Hoola-hoopers and fire spinners, was finished, so I followed the sound of banjo, violin and mandolin to a group jamming under a large tree above a Lilly Pad pond inhabited by huge bright orange fish. Santa Barbara is a very beautiful place, rich with cultural diversity.

Monday night, as I was unpacking my car in front of the library to set up for the show, Carol, the manager, pulls in behind me and states sternly that I can't do the show unless I pay the $40 rental up front. The Waldorf School was planning to pay me $60 to do a show for them Friday, so I rushed over there and got an advance. Direct Relief, a locally based non-profit had given me their 501(C3) status to get the room for $40, instead of $200 which it costs businesses. Individuals can't rent the gallery.

So there I was on Monday night, having completed the quest, feeling quit pleased with myself and all that was learned in the process. The Independent newspaper was sent info about the show and my story, but the writer who received it said they wouldn't print much due to the fact that I was not from Santa Barbara. When I found it in the events listing, all it said as was, "The FAR OUT School will present a slide show at the Faulkner Gallery on Monday at 8PM." How would anyone know what it is about? I took my story to the Santa Barbara News press the Thursday morning before the Monday show, and was told the Monday paper deadline was already finished. I didn't put up posters either; it was just the 500 brochures in the hands of people I really wanted to attend.

Thinking back to all my belongs being exposed and unprotected, maybe it was better that the general public were not widely welcomed. While I was setting up the show, several mentally unstable homeless people came into the gallery and it was enough to make me nervous with their distracting non-sense. One guy came in shouting at me with a hand full of loose pages I'd just painted a message on and put out in the hall by the front doors. "What are you doing!!!" he exclaimed. "You'll get paint on the carpet!" I tried to calm him down, saying I have rented the space and was allowed, but he totally freaked, making a big scene at the front desk and wouldn1t give back my pages. The staff got them back for me, but it was craziness for moment.

Now I'm planning another show in Isla Vista, where the university is located. I'll find a location tomorrow to do the show as soon as I can, but this time it will be better announced in the papers, I'll put posters up and charge a door fee.

My focus at this point in time is creating the Action Hero Network web space and finding investors. Bright stars I met at Burning Man are responding to The FAR OUT Mexico project set for this winter, so I'm stoked. I have a long list of amazing people, so this school will manifest one way or another. Without people I can't do anything. With the right people we can anything.

Lately I've been sharing life with new friends in 3D rather than through the web, but these are a few meaningful interactions I'll save to capture the sense of this time and place in my life:

Hello-- This is Rachael, I spoke with you the other day in the (Anacapa) school office.

Are you able to come to our school on the morning of Tuesday, September 30th? We have a daily AM assembly that starts at 7:50 AM and goes until about 8:15, so you would have about 20 minutes for a presentation. Is this something you would be interested in?? Please let me know.
Thanks,
Rachael Sparks

Rachael... Yes... I look forward to sharing Tuesday morning. The one thing I need is a dark room. I have everything else. My show is $200 for an hour. Since set up and take down is the same, could you do $100? Thank you for the opportunity! Have fun,
Cory Richardson

Hi Cory, I'm sorry that we didn't discuss the money issue earlier. We were under the impression that since the showing at the library was free of charge, that your show here would also be free of charge. We do not pay any of our breakfast club speakers, so I'm sorry to say that we will not be able to pay you for your presentation. So it looks like it will not work out for us. Thank you anyway for your time and effort. Good luck to you!
Rachael

Rachael... I do shows for free as well. It is not for the money, but because it is in my heart to spread empowerment.

Your school can afford some amount. This is what I do being a professional speaker. I do these shows for groups of teachers as well, because they need to be motivated most of all. The teacher's first job is to make the student care. Through the teacher's passion for whatever topic... it is that excitement that inspires to student to want to learn. If they don't have the student1s attention they don't have anything.

I am stoked about exploring the universe, building communities and pushing my limits, and those who cross my path feel it, and it makes an impact. The show is not about me; it doesn't tell my story, but is only the most powerful insights I1ve gained in an easy to understand presentation allowing viewers to literally see through my eyes an alternative reality to the mass media image of what our values and priorities should be.

There is money. Most of your kids come from rich homes. Get them to bring in a couple bucks each. It would be a shame to pass-up this opportunity because your school doesn't normally pay guest teachers.

I've experienced realities most people couldn1t dream and have learned too much to not share because I'm not getting paid. I'm blessed many ways, and who knows what will come from this? The only thing that matters is what I do with what I've learned, and this show is what I do. See you Tuesday for little or nothing.

Love fearlessly,
-Cory Richardson

Please remove our school from your speaking schedule and from your future contact list. Thank you.

Gordon Sichi
Headmaster

Here1s one I just got from Xander:

What up Cory how1s things on that side of this spinnin' globe? Art projects, open mic, congregation of the righteous/free spirits one and all? I have this great idea of promoting ecologically conscious tourism in Sinai, basically bringing Israelis and Arabs (and anyone else who wants to help out) together, equipping Camels with boomboxes to go out into the desert to pick up trash left behind by thoughtless tourists and indifferent Bedouins. I've shared this idea with some folks out here and it just might work- but as for me I am leaving this region, and leaving Sinai breaks my heart, I learned so much there- but now I'm back in Cairo, flying to Morocco tomorrow night for one last taste of an Islamic way of life before returning to Europe and America- looks like I'll be home in Maine for Xmas- but the trip ain't over yet, its never done. A friend was telling me about a book by Tom Robbins called 'Jitterbug Perfume' have you read it? That one is next for me as soon as I find a cop y. For now I'm playing guitar, starting to write songs, trying to completely revolutionize the way I live- & stay free above all, from the tyranny of mental slavery- Anyhow bro keep doing what it is you do best & Stand in the Light for if ever there is darkness often all it takes is to turn around and see the light- the source, and not the shadow. Cairo is a challenge, a test I must pass, and Morocco's next. Until next time, Carry on, and be strong, like a Lion, in dis ya Armageddon JAH LIVE
Xander Teas

Xander... as always.. a treat to hear from you! I'm still in SB. Just finished the big show on Monday... and it as fun. Did something new...laid out all my things on the gallery floor and made a path through them, ... as a statement about my path as seen through my attachments and equipment... and questioning the value of things. ...am I holding on to them for the memory and is that attachment holding me down? I'll have pictures on my site soon. I videoed the set up and take down, so that is cool to watch in fast forward. I'm doing shows in schools now and planning to visit the Krishnamurti center in Ojai... near here. Lots of cool people there everyone says.

Stay on the beautiful path!
-MAX

Hey there, well, I may be in the states sooner than I thought, we are going to buy a car, and its half the price than in Mexico, so I may go to Vegas to do this. Anyway, the guavas are ripe here, and living the food! By the way, we are planning on driving to south America from here, in the end of next year, think about joining up? Taking maybe a year to do this... well I hope California is treating you well! Be well and happy! Mark

Hello all! I1ve been inspired by my soul sister Jenn`s admirable communication skills while gallivanting throughout Europe. I promise to attempt to do better, although I can only offer tales of the exciting and exotic town of Yarmouth, N.S...for now! Maybe by the time I`m in Cuba I`ll be writing so habitually that I`ll be typing out my dreams! (Has anyone else ever done that? It happens when you procrastinate on reports and stay up typing like a zombie! But I rarely procrastinate (Ahem) Really.) Anyway, I`m here now with this opportunity of time and technology because I'm doing some volunteer work in the schools here was supposed to have a meeting with the intentions to help start a high school activists club. I had all these visions of inspiring and ambitious youth with visions of changing the world. Well, my first meeting was last week and although our numbers were small (one), she was ambitious! But unfortunately she's not here today, nor anyone else! But I haven`t given up hope! This morning we had a theater class where we taught yoga and merengue. It was fun! All is well in the world of Canada World Youth, and I promise I`ll write soon!

Leanne

A few strange words from Mike:

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde unervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Prity amzanig huh?

hi, max!!!!!!! i'm sorry...i couldn't make it last night...i was kind of sick...and i felt asleep... i wish we can meet sometime and talk a little more...or little less... i was in your website...is amazing!!!!!!!!!! a lot of coincidences...i was in Tulum in march, by the mayans ruins...very magic! let's keep in touch...
peace
andrea

Alright there, Mr. Max, You've got my curiosity peeked. Three weeks ago, the night before The Burn, you approached me at the Temple of Wow, during the set of Lost At Last, and handed me a sticker coupled with an intriging invitation in an elequent rehearse. Something about Mexico, high ideals, and motivated individuals. In the swarm of the moment and all that was otherwise running through my restless head, I was at once compelled to pull you aside and further commune, and simultaniously restiricted by my demand to keep from shifting the flow from the moment as it was. At any accord, I'm here now, at a calm in my journies, with time to reflect, research, and inquire into the nature of your offer.

A bit about I: My name is Jason Thomas, I am a balloon artist by trade, and have spent the last four years hitching, driving, bussing, and flying around North America, including several spells in Canada, and a couple of dips down south of the border. I grew up on Detroit, rose from the ashes in Phoenix, and was reborn on the Big Island of Hawai'i. About a year and a half ago, I had a vision in a dream and its revelation on the beach. After being hosted so kindly in my travels, allowing me to find and to be me, it is time for me to offer my riches to those who will be called to accept. I want to buy land in Hawai'i. A portion to reforest, grow food, set up sustainable systems and provide retreat to those who will come. A refuge not unlike that which has been done, but one to be added to the effort of solution. So to buy land, one needs cash. Cash comes in two ways. Either manifest it as a gift from one who has to give to a dreamer, or go out a work for it. I have chosen the later. My initial efforts were aimed toward driving long hauls in an eighteen wheeler until sufficient funds be met, while creating a Zen atmosphere of solitude and audio cassette education. To research this means, I set out on another cross country hitch from west to east, focusing on truck drivers as the main mode for rides and information. In the midst of that summer's journey, I came across a green bus in the hot Nevada sun. My motivations were about to be shifted. In converse with the driver, I saw a new way, and long story short, I am now a Green Tortoise driver.

Green Tortoise was my ticket into Burning Man and my service as well. And now I'm in Boston, recouping in between cross country runs. So that is my story, in short, which brings me to now, and my inquiry into your program stems from my continuous intrest in the evolution of process. The fact is, I quite enjoy driving Green Tortoise trips. I have an opportunity to host foriegn travelers across this land that I love so well. I have the opportunity share with others their first experiences sleeping out under the stars, swimming under falling waters, and shitting in the woods. I get to teach them stories about the native peoples, cacti and trees, and suggest to those who will listen an alternative way of viewing life and the world which sustains them. And I get to prepare for them some high ital grinds. My job has rewards and I give thanks. At the same time, I sit a bit unsettled in the yang of the business - time spent in cities, the waste on the road, the inner politics of the company, and dummying down of my naturalist aspirations in order to fit in, less synically, with the environment in which I am currently found.

My letter to you is out of question of the nature of your approach, that night, at the Temple of Wow. Something inside me has urged my to inquire. I don't quite apologize, but ask for your understanding in the opportunistic approach of my desires. I have been saving some money with the job I have now, and therefore Hawai'i approaches slow and steady. But all said, and said, and said, and having read your website, and apprieciating the nature of your ambition, I find myself asking if it was a job type venture that you were mentioning, and if so, what may be some more of the details in the nature of that ends. A life in the bush is where my heart lies, and to share that with others is my heart's great desire. Green Tortoise is half way there, but I'm done with Americana and my time here is more in a sense of endure. Please reply when you have the time. I am patient and in no hurry of running, but if this is a universal offer for me to be listening, then I beckon the spirits to continue their speaking. May your journies be blessed, and your efforts be raised on high. Enjoy the life, my brother, and may you always find time to fly.

Peace and respect,
J

My reply:

Dude... that is such a sweet email. I've been very high the last few days. Weed does not do this to you. I'm on my path, and things are coming together. I have found a lot of very special people. I am gifted with the ability to travel and get into communities quickly, just sharing my slide on the street, having a flyer for my show... always in hand... ready to make a friend, and trying to be organized so I can remember the person's name and have a way to contact them... usually email. I'm writing a book on travel tips and this summer camp deal in Mexico is very clear and I want to share it with you as I know your heart through your path and what you say to me. I'm seeing funding too. I'm going for the investment. I know I can pay it back fast. It is 2:34am and I got a big show tomorrow. I'll email you soon.

Thank you for getting in touch. You are on a beautiful path and I look forward to adventuring with you, I'll leave you now with this:

Yesterday a radical 47 year old teacher friend met at "Dance away", a freestyle dance at the Unitarian church... and I now love dearly... said, "Have you talked to Greet Tortuse about your project?" That clicked with me. This land I have is just off the highway below Mazatlan. Tons of travelers pass. It is a full day's bus ride from the US.. which means you can get there for less than 200 bucks US from anywhere in the US, in 3 days of less. It's cheap and fast reality change, and going green it's a blast. I've not been green.... but I see....

So... a guy in Colorado gots a bus and want to be in on the FAR OUT action hero network (This is the term of the moment), you know what I mean. I'm thinking be rightiously, but make money so we have what we need, then use what we make to spread want people need to know, which will change as it does. But those people in Roblito and Palmillas trust me. I am their friend. I don't want to fuck that up with saying there's a free for on the hip property I got down there... it's gotta be organized... but still open to new people sharing what they do. We need a special place to teach teachers. i have great contacts. I just gotta commit... which i am... staying this x-mas break I'll be there to show folks a vision and see who wants to take part, but in my mind I'm thinking don't promise too much.... like a full on summer camp that some will pay for... yet I know the people coming are rad... all them... no butts,,, and we could make money if we wanted. I know I need money and it's the only way I can do it in fact. I'm working on some ideas: one tonight was to use my killer pics... slides that will be turned digital then a positive paragraph text in on top. Cut it up into a fridge magnet puzzle that can be used to make poetry too... as is popular... but I have not seen nothing like this. I'll sell it apart and you'll need to figure out the puzzle to read the quote. They will be all different. It's a million dollar idea. People here are really inspiring me. You don't learn talking as much as listening, and people are talking to me a lot. People love to talk and have their story heard. Last night at the drum circle we were in need of a fire. What.... you say the city people safe in their homes don't want bums on the beach having fires and getting cooozy. and liking it here in heaven and they should move on. There's so much money here, it's hard to live here with the rent so high... so ... again... I'm tired. I feel you... and I want to support you and I want you to help me. Done. All that matters is communication. Community.

Lovin' one -and -other
-C

We met briefly at the church of wow, Burning man. You are definitely a fellow dreamer. I have wandered through your site and I am absolutely moved.

This poem was published this spring in Santa Cruz, CA., U.S.A:

Life is the Oyster

Souls and late-night conversations,
With those who would change the world.
With those who are changing the world.

Laying on floors,
Sitting on counters.
Under streetlights.
In parked cars,
Empty parking lots.

We are those who are free.

We are the ones who have escaped entrapment.
We are the movers, the shakers, the thinkers, the speakers.

Our power does not come from finite finances,
But from something far more vast.
Our power comes from the most potent infinity
Of possibility itself.

We are those who carry the hearts of humanity forward with our inspiration.
We are the voices of passion, of emotion, of struggle.
We are the toil, the pain, the pleasure, the joy, and the ecstasy.
We are the celebration of imperfection in all of its glorious beauty.
We are the oddballs, the outcast, the freaks and the entertainers.

We are the dreamers.

Much love along your journies,
- JAmie S. Uyematsu

Hi, I met you at this year's Burning Man at the pedicure tent. You told me about your plan to develop some sort of school in Mexico where the natives take people out and teach them various things. My memory is a little hazy on exactly what you wanted to do, but I am interested so maybe you could update me on what's going on with that.

Thanks,

Jeff Neria

PS. I read your journal entries from Austin and found them very pleasing.

Dear Cory,

Nice to meet you at the Book & Author Festival. I am touched by the work you do. Thanks for sharing. Although I was unable to attend your presentation last Monday due to my schedule, I've spent a little time on your website. There is an incredible amount of information there. I particularly like your ideas about the real definition of education because the corporate American schools just aren't working. (I'm holding myself back from saying all the reasons why because you seem to already know.) You mentioned that you are currently trying to network with people interested in going to Mexico to work in the school and that people will be able to visit the area during the Christmas season. I'm definitely interested in learning more about how I can get involved and possibly visit. I sense a transition in my life which involves stepping outside of my current lifestyle. How that will happen is undecided, but I know it needs to be closer to the land. I've gone back and forth between wilderness and the city because I haven't yet found the balance, for various reasons.

Since I am requesting information from you, I will tell you a little about my background and will try to be brief. Here is the bio on the back of my book "Rose's Collage": Christa Laririt grew up on a farm in Central Oregon and began writing poetry at the age of fourteen. She attended Central Oregon Community College on a full scholarship and received a Bachelor of Arts in Literature from Simmons College in Boston. In the past, she has been a writing tutor, assistant librarian, domestic violence shelter women's advocate, waitress, artist's model, health food co-op volunteer, wilderness field instructor, and property management bookkeeper. Now living in Santa Barbara she promotes books, videos, and workshops for The Glendon Association, a non-profit psychology organization.

Current projects include: performing at the 10th Annual Dancing Poetry Festival in San Francisco, starting a dance group with a 4 other women, writing a 2nd book of poetry titled "Figures Upon Figures," hosting a monthly poetry reading at Reds Coffeehouse starting November 1, a poetry reading, dance performance, and watercolor exhibit at UCSB on November 4, and learning about audio digital recording so that I can create CD's of spoken word and music using a keyboard.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Christa
www.calliopebooks.com

Here is the poem we discussed on Saturday:

Briefly Explain the Universe

In order of appearance, the cast is --
Cross Dressed Cheerleader,
Dead Motorcycle Racer
(or rather, the ghostly counterpart of one),
Hippy, Brain, The Web Lady, Soldier, Witch,
Minnie Mouse and the Gang,
and others who came as themselves.

I was the Tarot Reader with black cape and platform shoes.

The Tarot card you chose is
Three of Earth

Three giraffes eat from a tree.

Q: Who are you?

Q: Briefly explain the Universe.

She took my name & phone number & said --
3I will call when I am more capable of thinking.2

She never called.

The Tarot card you chose is
Seven of Water

A man stands on the edge of a cliff with a snake coiled around him.
He looks down into the ocean.

Q: Who are you?

3I1m one in a million all asking the part.2

Q: Briefly explain the Universe.

3Everyone has a place and is contributing to the world.
I enjoy working with the people and helping them.2

The Tarot card you chose is
The Devil

Q: Who are you?

3A man of mystery.2

Q: Briefly explain the Universe.

3A Universe of pleasure.2

The Tarot card you chose is
Ace of Air

A white bird with wide wings and a beautiful tail
shows the potential of its wing expansion.

Q: Who are you?

3K. S.2 (this is Brain speaking)

Q: Briefly explain the Universe.

3I make the choices in my world.
I am my own universe.2

The Tarot card you chose is
The Patron of All Doors

There are three heads to be served on plates.
There are lips for eyes, mouths, noses, and ears.

Q: Who are you?

3B. S.2

Q: Briefly explain the Universe.

3To me this whole world sucks and I1m going to be the one
that changes it for good and makes it a better place to live.2

She questioned --
3Why are you doing this?2

I am a writer and this is an experiment.

She questioned --
3Why are you asking us questions?2

Because if I tell you what this card means,
that would be an interpretation of my life.
However if you answer the questions
about the card you picked, then that tells about you.

The Tarot card you chose is
The Outcast

A beautiful woman by herself on an island
holds a rose in her mouth.

Q: Who are you?

3I1m a person with an outgoing personality.2

Q: Briefly explain the Universe.

3The Universe is a wonderful place.
I appreciate everything I have
and I would not change it for anything else.2

She questioned --
3Can you tell me what this means?2

You are independent
Which will prove to be an asset and a burden both.
You do not mind if anyone does not see your rose.
You feel good about who you are on the inside
so you can enjoy being part of a group
while being who you are.

The Tarot card you chose is
The Queen of the Sea

A naked woman baring her soul to the river of life
holds a hair comb and mirror
in a background of sand and sea. Q: Who are you?

3Someone who loves their brothers and sisters on earth,
who will help those who need it.2

Q: Briefly explain the Universe.

3The Universe is vast and infinite
and God who created it is big and beautiful.

3The sorrow that I feel is that I want to save people.
I want the children to feel comfort.
I don1t want the world to feel any pain.
I want to save the human race!!!
I want better for my kids, for the kids to be safe
from evil and are ok with God.
We hope the best for the children
who are going to take care of us in the future.
I don1t love my mother but, I love my mother.
I love R. and my kids and any person
who comes into my life.
Stay focused on your life1s ambition, stay on track.
Don1t lie to others or yourself.
I will focus on the plan.
There is a lot of pain in this family
and there is a lot of relief in this family.
I wish this family would finally
come together and care about one another.
Who will please give me the pleasure of release?
Who will give me pleasure?
I am so proud of my family.
Are they having fun?
The family that sticks to the web
will always stick here.2

She is The Web Lady
writing down the pages of her days
with tears for family.

She says 3The family is like a spider1s web.
They are forever part of it.2

The family frequently stopped by to give big hugs
and 3I love you so much2 kisses
as she expressed the pain of her heart.
Some tragedy or painful struggle hit this family.
Perhaps it is an ancestral curse.
Perhaps they face burdens of the past.

The web is a magnificent gossamer
light and tenuous yet flexible.
One may walk through it or brush it aside
but it clings, following like a shadow.

A military combat soldier in camouflage
with a witch for a wife picked a card
and would wait no longer to know his fortune.

The Tarot card you chose is
Five of Fire

Five men attack a dragon with fire
in a background of flaming red.

Q: Who are you?

3This is who I am, a soldier.2

Q: Briefly explain the Universe.

3The world is going to end.2

Pause . . .

3OK. I want to know more than that.2

You are a soldier.
Considering the work you do
and considering the current political war
this country is involved in,
it is understandable that to you,
the end of the world is near.

He questioned --
3What do you see in this card?2

There are four elements --
Earth, Air, Water, and Fire.
Perhaps this card shows people
killing the Dragon inside themselves.
They are killing the one that feeds them,
the one who gives them the fire of life.

My readings ended.
On my way home,
I passed through the house.

R. questioned --
3What happened to her?2

She1s drunk. She1s throwing up.

R. questioned, again, asking for an alternate explanation --
3What happened to her?2

She broke. She cracked.
She wrote pages and cried tears.
She experienced an Earthquake.
She thought of her reality, things that matter, and things she needs.
She probably now feels vulnerable and exposed.

Minnie Mouse stated --
3There is nothing we can do about the past.2

We can look and reflect on the past
to understand what is important to us today
so that we can make better choices.
People seemed to choose cards intended for them,
reflecting their current situation.
What are we concealing from ourselves?
What is haunting us?

Maaaaax... Okay, I got things to tell ya, but I don't know quite what they are yet... all jumbled and bungled in my head as is... I just hope they all dump out of my brain with somewhat more distinction and clarity than a pile of vomit...

Thank you so much for your most recent journal on "enlightenment"... I especially benefited from the part about relationships. It made wonderful sense to me. I have been both the negative half and the positive half of relationships before. I realized that now, with the relationship I am in with Scott (mohawk boy, of course), I am the positive half and he, the negative. Only he's giving me real trouble in bringing him up to my level of happiness. In fact... I think I've felt myself sinking to his misery a few times (in that push and pull described on your site, between the negative and positive sides of a relationship). I don't know if Scott is benefiting from me at all. And that doesn't bother me personally, but if it is the case, then I should, for all purposes, be gone. Plus... I now having a searing crush on one of my brother's new friends, Aaron... Aaron is entirely positive energy and love... just like you are, Max, and what attracted me to you. A constant, unstemmed, and inspired flow of positivity and love -- which is so fucking rare! Aaron is also a musician (guitarist and singer) who blows me away with his expression and raw gift. Although I know, if I were in a relationship with him, as positive as I am in relationship to Scott, *I* would be the negative to Aaron... I still want him so badly. This is true... although I am still in a relationship (somewhat long-distance; we see each other about once a week) with Scott. Although my feelings now are a mess, I am very grateful to you for your last journal, because of the way it made me look at the whole thing. Indeed, my enlightenment has been altered!

Second thing... perhaps you could put this on your website, love? It's a peace happening in Hartford coming up that I would love to see attract more people (if advertised on your website).... the flier for it I will attach, as the flier gives much better and more concise information than I ever could off the top of my head, so please read that and maybe put a word for it on your "Cool Events" page? It would be much appreciated.

AND... I'm dancing on the cloud that is "punk literature"! I love Books Not Bombs... I love ANSWER... I love the DIY punk culture... I love the attitude, the punk value of social awareness/responsibility and thinking for yourself. So much of it is *not* image, but rather, culture. A way of life. And that's the part I love. No, its music is not happy music, but it seeks to crack people from their brainless happy modes and make them see the way... find the REAL happiness waiting for them on the other side of forming one's own opinions! That's all. I just wanted to share that.

Well then. ::Scans above:: ...Yep. That looks like vomit. Formless, random... spewing... oh well. Decifer it if you can, darling. I hope you are doing well yourself.

Loves you,
Carrie/kenneth

my reply:

God you make me smile a lot. And on top a killer two days and all... I have been so happy.... very high energy.... handing out brochures for the show.... meeting tons of great people doing shows on the street... and late night parties in very cool scenes. I've thought of you today, looking at a punk girl in fact, wearing black and looking tragic. I love you and want to spend time with you. For real. I do love you. You are a sister to me. I'm proud proud of you, the things you say; yup real smart. So bed for me. Got that big show tomorrow and lots of art to make.

Stoked, yes... inspired by you. Stay focused on the light and power up, then shine shine shine, and you will juice those around you. Hang wit a drag, and you'll be in the back, a dark corner of your mind, all heady talkin' depressed thoughts about how did what wrong and that sucks, but fuck that, lets feel good by lovin someone.

you are divine. It's true. Gonna write that on the back on my car in plain sight too. Some times we forget things.

I don't want to live my life looking in a review mirror.

There's no race. No contest. I can't see myself. It's never a fair playing field. Everybody wins in sport. It's a celebration of human potential. God I'm on to some crazy stuff. Feeling so open, yet it's 2:22am and I'll wear out my body if I don't rest. Love you. _c

Max, you impossible sweetheart... there's no way you'll know how much you have positively impacted my life. Notes from you like this reinforce my strong connection to you, and my ultimate faith in the good you are doing! You know who I am -- I can wear black and look tragic like dem punk girls of all America, and I can stand up and take charge and sometimes fight bitterly or break down totally -- yet there are those vulnerabilities, those constant battles with good and bad, my own particularly -psycho- psychoanalysis. I open to you. Completely. It's amazing. You amaze me, but even more so, we amaze me.

I am in karmic debt! Today a girl I had never seen before thrust a dollar bill into my hand after overhearing me lament about the food selection and strange pricing at lunch (I had 2 dollars and was unsatisfied with my options). I tried to deter her, insisting I had enough money to buy food... but she insisted so firmly, I could say nothing more than "...This is so nice of you!" I used her dollar, and she walked away. A genuine good deed.

I'm inspired to pass it on. I don't know how it will come out yet. But I've been trying more and more (more then, of course, some phases you've seen me in the past, this I admit) to be entirely positive -- to take myself out of my surroundings and what's happening to me and to *form my own feelings*. You, and only you, taught me this: I can *choose* how to feel about anything and everything under the sun! If I make the effort to feel good about everything, that will happen for me, and likely for others as well.

Scott has apologized for being negative.. he's admitted it was out of fear of getting attatched to me. He regretted profusely his treatment of me, without any prompting of mine, and promised to try to improve. I don't know Scott well enough to know if he is capable of keeping his promise or not (meaning, I don't know if he is a perpetual downer or just one of those mad rollercoaster get-ups like yours truly) so I'll have to see. I shall just let time pass, as time is wont to do, and start enjoying things and letting others enjoy them (and me!) too.

You are my everything. You are wild genius attached to an insatiable body. You expand and burn with relish & vigor, and you see everything you can with divine total clarity. I cannot fathom a person like you, which is why I'm so amazed that you indeed are a part of my life! Write of me on the back of your car, and when we meet again, I will reinforce it. From Carrie and from kenneth, forevermore: I love you.
Carrie/kenneth