October 10, 2003
Ojai, California, USA
10am. I'm at a transitional stage of my life; not just another crossroads. Time to come down off the mountain, back to port, ground myself, nourish the seeds collected, and build for the future. The care-free spirit of youth is still alive, and the sorcerer's apprentice is getting serious.
Many summers have been fully-lived on the seas of experience since opening this can of worms. Floating around the continent and casting the net world wide, I've successfully been a fisher of men. Time has come to find the market.
Living life literally as an open book has created many unexpected opportunities and beautiful interactions, but being "professional" in order to get into schools and prisons has become a concern. My last journal shared an email exchange with a school that deeply impacted me. I realized that my passion can be over-powering and turn people off. I added it to my journal not to look good obviously, but to be transparent, telling the true story of where I'm at. Making mistakes is the greatest opportunity to learn. It would be a boring story if the action hero didn't get beat now and then.
My work can't be underground or on the fringe shouting at the institutions, saying "down with the system!" Like Angela suggests, we gotta drop the 'R' to be "evolutionaries". Mental slaves in dark places can only be free with the light of self-knowledge, self-empowerment, self-love, which means going into those places. The solution, as Daniel Quinn stated in The Story of B, is not a new program, but a new way of being. Our minds don't need to be filled-- rather the opposite-- we need to be deprogramed, to get in touch with one's self. We need to learn how to feel.
Friday, September 26, I did a slide show at the Santa Barbara Waldorf School for grades seven and eight, then cooked lunch in the school kitchen, while swaping stories with Tobias, a new film maker friend who's mother works at the school. As a child, Tobias prayed each night to be in a movie. Disney hired him for Hocus Pocus with Bette Midler (he was one of the "bad kids"), which began an amazing chain of events, and now he is star, though not yet in a national scope.
That afternoon, I dropped into Anacapa School to apologize to the principal for being too strong in my email, but he acted like he didn't know what I was talking, as if he didn't write the response, and just stated, "I'm very busy."
Saturday, grooven with Joshua, Sierra, and Laura at the Bowlful of Blues in Ojai, I met a woman who invited me to a party the following day, saying "there are people there you need to meet." At the party, I met her friend Lola, and after a short exchange I realized that I'd dreamed meeting Lola two days before. We connected deeply and she invited me to tour the Ojai Foundation, where for 20 years she has facilitated council training, rites of passage, personal retreats, youth programs and sustainable practices.
I don't have time to share more of this dream now. Gotta head out to The Farm and visit Carmen's house to see some of the Art Detour. The following are quotes taken from Waking Life, a flick I saw a few nights ago and recommend:
The trick is to combine your waking rational abilities with the infinite possibilities of your dreams; cuz if you can do that you can do anything.
Whatever you do, don't be bored. We are limited by our own confines. The world is an exam.
In hell you sink to the level of your lack of love. In heaven you rise to the level of your fullness of love.
As the pattern becomes more intricate and subtle, being swept along is never enough.
We should never simply write ourselves off, and see ourselves as the victims of various forces. It is always our decision who we are.
We seem to think we are so limited by the world and the confines, but we are really just creating them. You keep trying to figure it out, but it seems like now that you know that what you are doing is dreaming, you can do whatever you want to. You are dreaming but you are awake. You have so many options, and that is what life is about.
The on-going wow is happening right now. We are all co-authors of this dancing exuberance, where even our inabilities are having a roast. We are the authors of ourselves. The world is an exam to see if we can rise into the direct experience.
No matter how empty the world seemed, no matter how degraded and used up the world appeared to us, we knew that anything was still possible, and given the right circumstances, a new world was just as likely as an old one.
You have begun to find your answers. Although it may seem difficult, the rewards will be great. Exercise
your human mind as fully as possible, knowing it is only an exercise. Build beautiful artifacts, solve
problems, explore secrets of the physical universe, savor the input of your senses. Feel the joy and
sorrow, the laughter, the empathy, compassion and tuck the emotional memory in your travel bag.
Looking back, connecting with all the people is all that really mattered.
http://www.lucidity.com/LucidDreamingFAQ2.html
helo i not speek englus very gud i liv en tokyo, japan. mi frend es gud englus speeker. it toled me abut u and i lik u. i hop we be frends.
- fung hu
Hi, I was one of the the kids in the waldorf school when you did
your FAR OUT performance. I thought it was really cool!!! I looked
on your website to, That was also FAR OUT! I don't know what
else to say but thanx for doing your thing at my school! Bye
Michael Landecker
Life is fucking beautiful. (Forgive my language mom, but I feel I strong sense of importance in saying
that...)
I have been shown, countlessly, how amazing life is, and particulary on account of the amazing people
within it! (Such as all of yo kind selves!)
You know, I used to hate computers, hate them! I resisted and resented them. I disliked how
impersonal and diminuitive they made our human interactions, but I've learned that it isn't computers
which do so, or telephones, or the fast pace of living, but it's us who have made diminuative the
majority of our human relationships. How rare it is that we really say how we feel, how rare that we
express love, anger, appreciation. And you know what I've been experiencing? Although I am hesitant to
say it, but computers have actually made it easier to express those sentiments. I recieved and sent a
number of heart-felt messages since I have been away, which is part and partial to the fact that I can
pause and ponder, search for the right word, backspace if I think you might look like an ass. It's great!
Anyway, why I'm writing this is because I'm recieving these wonderfully uplifting and moving e-mails, and I
just wanted to say how much I appreciate it. Kind words are never wasted. Muchas gracias!
I feel so good right now...
The family I'm staying with just got the internet, so I'm really excited to be able to communicate
more dedicatedly, but I'll to hold myself back from these late night rambles.
I've just got a little more to say! (Sensible people probably would have stopped there, but sinec I
myself am not, I shall continue in celebration of our new internet! Yea!) So, I just returned from a
double session of yoga (beginner and advanced) which was great. (Great is such a fabulous word for the
reason that it encompasses so much, such as; refreshing; relaxing; temporarily torturous; challenging;
stimulating; etc) It was great! Furthermore, to add to the "greatness" of the experience, I was invited to
a special "mindful meditation group meeting" with my Yoga teacher and a really intriguing sounding
couple. It's for two hours on Sunday morning, and after that time we have tea and snacks. (I think that'll
be my favorite part!) It's going to be a really interesting experience particulary because these people
really know what they're doing and I generally get insta-ADD when I try and meditate! But I really want
to learn how. I want to discipline myself and take care of myself holistically. So, wish me luck!
The day has been a good one since I first woke up. Last night I was thinking about how I'm so envious of
all these people who tell me about these awaesome experiences they have flying in dreams, but I can't
remember ever flying in a dream. So I concentrated really hard about it before I went to bed, then I
had the funniest dream! I dreamt I met this lady who had a little rocket shaped thingy that was proably
only a foot long. She gave it to me to hold onto and I could fly with it! I was up there zooming around,
holding on to this almost cartoonish rocket, then she start yelling at me that the batteries were going
to wear out so I had to come down! I didn't believe her, but I came down anyway... pretty cool, hun?
I'm really trying to explore my dreams more. Tonight, I'm going to try to fly without any wierd rockets.
I'll keep you posted what happens...
Everything else in the day went well too. I spent a huge chunk of the day beach-cleaning this beautiful,
serene beach. (I believe that sentence comes from the department of the redundancy department!)
And got together with my group to figure out wass happennin'. All went well.
Anyway, it's getting late. It's almost fairy time...
Buenos Noches,
the sleepy fairygirl
wassup max!
I just recently watched a nat. geographic special on Native Americans and there beliefs on peyote. i would like to find out
where I can possibly find peyote and learn more about the culture and its beliefs about the "drug". I wanted to take a trip this
weekend (tomorrow and sunday) and see what information I could gather. Could you at all help me on my journey? Help me
out Max. Write Back.
I wrote: How can I help you? I don't know anything about you?
I am 21 years old and live in St Louis. I already told you that after watching Nat. Geo. I wanted to learn more about Peyote
and the Native American beliefs on it. I have also read internet articles on the subtance and am interested in the spiritual
aspects of it. I am online under my fiancee's web name (I am a female). I guess I would like to find out if Peyote holds any
spiritual signifigance for Christians. My fiancee and I were wanting to take a trip and travel a Peyote Trail and experience the
spiritual journey. If you can help we would really appreciate it.
Sincerely.
(She didn't say her name. I just sent her to check out some web sites for more info.)
Hey Cory,
The lady from First Steps in Saint John: once again inspired by your
writtings and those who write to you. Thanks so much for keeping a free
site.
I was at an info session last evening(or earlier) put on at St. Mac's
High about learning and brain development... lots of talk about using more
of the brain and less emphasis on quantity of content. I, shamefully have
forgotten the teacher's name, for he had an incredible energy about him. He
talked about how our learning system needs to change from the top. It
excites me to hear others in the system talk like this. My daughter is now
in grade one. I still fight myself in sending her. If you have any ideas on
this one, I would truly appreciate it. According to the teacher who spoke,
there is an experimental school starting in Ontario, that he read about
recently in the Globe And Mail, that will focus on having fun learning at a
slower content level. Apparently, 20,000 people signed up imediatly on
waiting lists. It is so obvious that we all want something different. It is
awesome when someone has a vision of what that is.
I feel closer everyday to some cosmic purpose here at First Steps, as
well. My boss has seen my need to focus here on a better educational system
for our girls. Still, I have not a clear, focused vision of what that is.
As far back as I can remember, my dream was to teach school. I used to sit
in awe of the teachers that got so excited about teaching. I've had alot of
sidelines . These, though are the best part of my jourey. I got a full sense
about the teacher most often learning as much or more from his/ her students
than the students from him. A continuos thread in my life,... that both
plagues and blessses me in that I am angered by any abuse of power I see and
my anger drags me down. This too, though becomes a drivimg passion to make
a difference, a contribution. Not so clear about answers;.. still excited
about the questions.Content to be here until I have a clearer vision of
what's next.
Your writtings keep reminding me to get out of these boxes we're in.
Thanks again,
Jody
Jody... I'm glad to hear good things are happening at home. I see through the arts update that a better network is forming and more people are getting involved.
I'm in Ojai, California. Yesterday I visited an amazing school called Oak Grove, founded by J. Krishnamurti, who I admire greatly and suggest you check out his work. I am realizing my dream of creating a school, finding the right people to be involved, and getting clear on my vision, but there is not a final answer, just an endless path toward reaching more people with healing and empowerment. It is not about me and my school, but showing others how to free themselves. My 13 years in public school was anti-education, due to the fact that my teachers were not stoked to be there, and not once did we explore outside, except in my father's science class.
Many schools are doing amazing things... with great teachers and fun trips, but the public system funds continue to be cut back and focused on testing, not individual empowerment. The problem is not lack of money. This planet is rich. The problem is that people don't care about each other and about the community as a whole. It starts with the fact that they don't know each other. We are isolated, separated by social stratas and fear.
I don't believe in the system; not the national standard. The prisons and schools are run by the same people. It's not personal. People have numbers put on them. It can't be top down. We are evolving past that. We need community organization.... not just school boards, but more of a community center where people can share and listen freely.
I wrote the following in bed a few nights ago: "A world of information is online. There is not time to learn all that is... so what does one need to know? What are the community's needs? Where does one fit in?"
What does one need to know? Self-directed learning requires inspiration and exploration. That's a good place to start. Then there's the basics for life: making food and shelter... which I am not seeing being taught in any meaningful way in the public system. This is where the community fits in. Let's teach how not to be dependant on the money system. It's about making a space for everyone. As the population grows and the money system becomes dangerously impossible, we'll have no choice.
Thanks for staying in contact. I enjoy our revelationship!
