July 26, 2001
Saint John, New Brunswick, Canada

2:36am.

This is what is on my mind. I got issues to deal with... causing reoccurring thoughts.

Last night, at the same time, in the same spot, I was writing a letter to my mailing list thinking, "What are the 700-plus people who read this going to think?" I wanted it to be perfect, but being so tired, almost delirious, I say stuff that on a fresher mind I might not-- like in a dream state... where I can do or say whatever I want... cuz it is all just in my head.

Letting go of my eyelids,
they fall like sand bags from a hot air balloon,
and I float away on a cloud of sub-consciousness.

At nearly 3am, I deleted the email I was writing to the mailing list. I was too tired to finish. I needed rest cuz had to pick up a 15 passenger rental van at 8:45am to take cruise ship passengers kayaking. The entire two hours on the water, I towed Minnie, a large 65 year old black woman who was having great difficulty making her kayak go straight. I didn't mind, cuz I've had it a lot worse. A couple weeks ago, I towed a double kayak carrying a woman and her grandson into a strong head-wind. Minnie gave me an appreciative five dollar hand shake at the take out.

For a job... being a kayak guide is fun. Meeting new people keeps it interesting. During today's paddle and lunch, I had a conversation with Howard Good Ph.d, who teaches Journalism at the State University of New York at New Paltz. We discussed how newspapers are nearly void of good reading-- most being either dry or sensational. He suggested I check out three magazines: Granta, Mother Jones and Nation.

"Oh my Gosh... what a great role model he would be!" Darlene Tracy said to Gail, her second in command at Bayshore Healthcare, after she saw my slide show, which makes an exciting resume. The four hour interview was a breeze, and Darlene said she would start sending me clients(youth with problems at home and/or school) shortly after I got my TB shot and vehicle insurance checked out. When I got back with those complete, she said the government changed the standard so that only applicants with a year-long social work course from the community collage could work with youth in the family services system. Alan Thomson, a family services councilor, has a list of clients for me that would greatly benefit from climbing and kayaking, which no other youth worker in this city does, but the word was from above... I wasn't allowed without taking their course.

The Police chief told the boys and girls club that I was "a bad influence" and therefore they should not have anything to do with me. I found this out when I went there offering to do my show for free. "Why?" I asked.
"You've had trouble with the police." The lady answered, "The chief said something about you getting a ticket for skateboarding on the street."
"I do good work." I said, "I guess I'll just have to prove it to you."
"I'm sure you do," She returned, "but I have to say no."

Regularly for almost year, I've being dropping into the John Howard Society office offering to do my presentation for youth under their care in group homes. I have yet to get a response.

Vision TV is doing a feature on my work, and today I got an email from a producer named Andrew, saying he would come shoot for a day after August 19th, so I'm hoping he'll do it when I'm leading the FAR OUT trip around Deer Island. Max, co-owner of Cinalogic, said he would film a day of paddling and a day of climbing on the trip August 5th to 12th. Now all I need is another digital video camera and a bunch of campers.

Handing out flyers on the board walk tonight, a body builder name Vance said he was interested, and suggested I talk to Billy... of Billy's Seafood, "with a body like David." Billy stored big tubs of ice cream in his freezer for me last summer when I did slide shows in the park during Festival By the Sea. I ended up giving away and eating as much ice cream as I sold.

I am really tired now. If I don't go to bed I will wear down my immune system and get sick. Good night.

These images were captured this afternoon on a walk around the park with Carrie: