January 15, 2003
Austin, Texas, USA

2:42pm. I'm sitting cross-legged hunched over Seed's Laptop in Common Child's pad, grooving to Graceland.

Last night at the Continental club was a ball-- Tuesday night hippy church with Toni Price on the mic, spiritual leader extraordinare. The place was packed, sold out, but Justin was working the door and stamped me in free with no waiting.

"Its like a religion almost, but not really..." said Sandy Ellsworth. I told Sandy about my car breaking down and doing a slide show fund raiser Friday night at Ruta Maya. She said she'll try to make it, then peeled off ten bucks and put it in my hand.

I stopped into copymax on the way to the club and made up a handful(80) of flyers to give everyone I connected with and they were gone half way through the night.

"Shamans are our performers. A 60-year-old ex-nun told me that," said Lela Perry, when I mentioned Toni's voodoo-- spreading carefree soul-seeds on the crowd jammed shoulder to shoulder like rows of fertile soil.

Drunken, Toni was trance-like with heavy eyelids half closed... carried by her band. "She's better when she's drunk," Alex explained.

During the set break, out the back door in the quiet lane behind the club, dozens of folks gather in circles to pass the sacred herb. I rolled film, asking folks "What makes Austin Special? Why is it a Mecca?" People talked about Barton Springs, the oasis in the desert, and 30 years of hippies moving here. Ruta Maya Jack said he saw in a National Geographic that the magnetic center of the United States is located exactly over Austin.

After the show I chased after Leeanna Therton, who shared the stage with Toni tonight. I told Leeana, "earlier when someone saw my video camera in the club they said, "You should get this on film. Two of the most spiritual influential woman in Austin on stage right now."

"We nurture family and love." Leeanna answered. "If spirit means love-- that's what we got. I host the barn dances on the full moon; its family, great food, music, celebrating life."

"Mama-- you are awesome!" a hot old lady in a little black dress smiled wild-eyed at Leeanna in passing, and added, "If the whole world knew a Tuesday like we do there'd be world peace."

I asked Leeanna, "If there was one message you could tell the people what would it be?"
"Don't join the army! Don't fight this war!" she answered. "Recruitment is big now." she continued.

I interviewed Leslie, the local legendary transvestite who Justin kicked out of the club when found drunk asleep on the bar. A man with perfect bright white teeth wearing a yellow polo sweater butted into our conversation saying that "the right" is out of touch with people like himself who are in "the middle"... and how everything is going to hell. Leslie stood up for the good ol' USA, saying its still a great place... where we can have a conversation like this openly on the side walk and a person like himself can exist and mingle with everyone in peace, wearing crazy clothing combinations and hair and beard dyed absurdly red-- matching long fingernails flamboyantly flashing with the flick of his feminine limp wrist.

I gave Leslie a drive back to his place in Westlake. I wish my video camera battery wasn't dead, because it was a trip. He was half asleep, it was really foggy and he didn't really seem to know where he was going, but we made it there eventually. He is a very smart person-- but really weird. He ran for mayor and got 29% of the vote. Austin is odd... and that's what makes cool. There's a bumper sticker and t-shirt campaign I've seen around stating: "Keep Austin Weird."

I'd overheard Leslie asking others for a drive as they left the club. It was way out of my way, but the good in me said, "this is your time to be useful." I wouldn't be any kind of action hero if didn't. Leslie was "starving," so we ate Vita Bars and Granola bars on the way. It feels good to do something worthwhile; something that means something to somebody. It gives me purpose-- a reason for being.

I want to share a few emails with you that are too cool to delete from my inbox. If I don't put them in this journal they will be deleted, and that's a shame cuz they're little pieces of personal history worth sharing. I want to show how there's all kinds of people out there on amazing quests for greater understanding. If you are not... get on with it! The more you seek out, the more you'll do, and the more people you'll meet who will turn you on to things you never dreamed, which will lead to a wealth of experience that cannot be taken away or devalued by fickle global markets.

A fine holy-day greeting to you my friend, may your tracks be free from obstructions and your inspiration to spread truth unto the people be strengthened as never before- Nosotros necesitamos Fuerte Corazon siempre, porque hay muchos diablos presente en los tierras incognitas de la cabeza, no? It is my hope that the journey goes well and that you continue to teach and inspire and remain grounded and sure-footed and unswayed by those who try to lead the righteous astray. Remember all things have a purpose although from checking yer website from time to time I know you know this so never give up-

I for one am contemplating my own southward journey and as before lack of funds shall not stop me from doing what I was put on this earth to do: Southeast coast I'm thinking, from their either try to get on a boat to one of the Islands, or continue west across Texas to Northern Mexico and the old West Coast where so many kind people seem to dwell- either way this conservative Puritanical New England town that I love so well and I must once again part ways. There are Primary things keeping us stationary, which are 1. a job, 2. a woman and 3. the climate, and all three I think are easier found for me elsewhere at the time being. The key is to stay 1. focused on the path, 2. free from all attachments, and 3. clinging to neither curses nor praise, which the Bhagavad-Gita sets forth as the way to Ultimate Reality. I did go south for the month of November to the three cities (Boston, NY, Phila) to study Islam which was epic in regard to the epiphanies as well as contradictions it opened up in my global understanding, and yes I know that Politics and Religion are most definitely a trap when taken too literally.

Rastaman say: "Overstand the material realm by understanding the spiritual". Also: "Every man got 'im own axe to grind". Stay I brother, and may thee & the journey become one. PIECE! -Xander

Hi Cory. It's Christmas Eve and i've just finished dinner and chilling with the family. I just got your letter and thanks for all you wrote. I've had an interesting week. i have been going through so many different and intense emotions lately, but still it is all good. Something is happening right now.

I went to see a natural pathic doctor last friday. It was very good, she was very good. We talked for about two hours about my physical health concerns, mostly various ailments that have to do with my throat and breathing. We also talked about spiritual concerns and mental health as well. She asked me alot about what makes me happy and got a good general feeling for my life. At the end she did a strenght test to see what my homeopathic remedy would be. She took the info i gave her and narrowed down the choices. Then i put each remedy seperately into my right hand, and held my left arm up at shoulder height. She tried to push my arm down and i tried to resist. The idea is that the medicine has energy and if your arm goes weak, then you don't need it. If your arm stays strong then you need it. She narrowed it down to three and then one. It ended up being the homeopathic form of cannibis. I took two doses that day and will take two next friday when i go back for my physical. She asked me to be aware of my dreams and how i am feeling this week.

The Friday night i dreamt that my guitar was taken away from me, as were some feathers that i had. I was told that the feathers were needed elsewhere for a more important purpose than decoration. Interesting. Sunday i started to feel very tired and quite sick. At work on monday i became very ill but was a trooper and went to a huge party monday nite with bands and saw many friends from far away who are home for the holidaze. I lost my voice completely last nite at the party. Before the night was over i was only capable of whispering. I have been drinking tea all day and am starting to be able to make some sounds. Its been really scary in a way, the thought of not singing. It was interesting because is was so hard to talk to people that i really had to choose what i wanted to say to them. It filtered out all the unimportant stufff, which is kind of neat.

i actually feel that i am being warned. Lately i have been asking to be shown what ever it is that i am fearing or what is making me feel so not well at moments. I have a block in my throat and i have known that for awhile. i kind of thought before that my throat problems have had to do with me needing to communicate my emotion better, which is partially true. But i have also realized that when i get very close to bringing out intense emotion, or am in a fearful situation, it comes up and stops at my throat. And it will not be released. I try , i want it to release, but it won't. In the past i have had a panic attack on a few occasions, not many, and it is all in the chest and throat. i have had one serious asthma attack, although i don't have asthma and i have also had a very negative choking experience. I once had a dream where an animal came to me in the guise of being a friend and quickly metamorphosized into its true form, attacked me and slit my throat. That was a warning about someone in my life at the time and figured it out unfortunately after the fact.

I have had two very strange experiences with negative energy entities. Both experiences were in different houses and about 1 year apart. Both times i was in bed lying still awake with my eyes closed and entered into a consious mind state but unable to move my body. Both times i felt the energy enter the room and pin me down at the shoulders and put all its weight on my chest. It would not leave upon my request and i was unable to move. It was very strong and i was weak in comparison. the first time i got out of it by taking my feet and kind of knocking myself off the bed by kind of kicking off from the wall, as my feet were free. As soon as i hit the floor, it was immediately gone. The second time, was the same feeling but i could not move at all. It went on much longer and it became increasingly more difficult to breath, and for that reason was a bit scarier. What saved me that day was that my roomate pulled into the driveway and his dog came running into my room to look out the window and bark at him. The energy was gone immediately upon the dog entering the room and barking.

The first sweat lodge i ever went to i had healing done on my throat. I love the colour blue and have been so drawn to it as of the last year esecially. i just found out that is the colour of the throat chakra, which makes me go hmm.. i mean it could all just be nonsense and unconnected but i feel like if i thought that i might be making a grave mistake in not heeding this warning. What i have decided to do is this: i have to quit smoking. i am nic fitting badly right now but i can't smoke anymore, i wanna be able to sing and be healthy, as much as i am an addict and love it, i will just have to pray for strength and will power. gosh darn its sooooooooooo hard man!!!!! I have also been asking to be unblocked, to be shown whatever this pain is that s inside me, blocking me,i don't know if i'm ready but i'm so sick of it that i want it released so i have stated that i am ready to be shown and deal with it, not that i have any clue of what that means or how it will manifest and play itself out. I am planning to do a more serious ceremony, prayer, whatever you wanna call it, to ask this. And very soon. Maybe new years eve.

Anyway, i am still in wonderful spirits and only think seriously about this for some moments of the day, but it needs to be explored so i am trying to do that. Maybe when i get my voice back i will take your advice and play for some people who might be in need of a spirit boost too. It snowed today, tomorrow is Christmas, and i have tried very hard to stay away from the commercialism of it all, but admitedly bought a few gifts . but really nice ones, healing gifts, for the soul. i reread the alchemist, i bought a copy to send to a freind and started reading it, i was in need of reading it right now too. hopefully my friend got it. did your package arrive before you left ny ? either way you'll get it at some point, but the post office made an issue of the way i had addressed it improperly , in the wrong area of the package (so silly) and said it was confusing and may not ever get there. Wierd eh? its like, i put on it "MAIL TO : " and they are still so conformist. Well my freind, i am sending much love to you on this night of nights. I am blessed to be your friend and you are in my thoughts. you bring to mind this poem i refer to as the wanderers poem although i can't think of the real title. its actually a song written by tolkien. this is from memory so may not be exact, exact , but i'm sure its almost exact.

Upon the hearth the fire is red, beneath the roof there is a bed But not yet weary are our feet, still round the corner we may meet A sudden tree, or standing stone, that none have seen but we alone Tree and flower, leaf and grass, let them pass, let them pass Hill and water, under sky, pass them by , pass them by

Still round the corner, there may wait, a new road or secret gate And though we pass them by today, tomorrow we may come this way, And take the hidden paths that run, towards the moon or to the sun Apple, thorn, nut and sloe, let them go, let them go Sand and stone and pool and dell, fare thee well, fare thee well

Home is behind, the world is ahead and there are many paths to tread, Through shadows to the edge of night, until the stars are all alight, Then world behind and home ahead, we'll wander back to home and bed Cloud and twilight, mist and shade, away shall fade, away shall fade Fire and lamp and meat and bread, and then to bed, and then to bed.

goodnite cory. much love to you, suzy

Austin. The name itself has a special ring to it, and it holds a very special place in my heart, not to mention the incredible lovely people there..so many goood ones.

Monday the 13th and I'm starting the new year all over again. Just came out on the other side of something dreadfully dark and negative ( a dark night of the soul), on my knees but not beat. I am ready and willing to change every negative, detrimental, critical, judgemental, sceptical thought, notion, belief, and idea that is lurking inside me. BE GONE!!

Wishing you a sweet stay in a sweet place, bro, thanks for the reminder about love..will do And to you- love in buckets -AS

Dear fellow citizen of the planet,

The "Hello America!" campaign was launched in Oslo, Norway, at 12.30 PM CET, January 6th 2003. It is now being spread all over the world. We want to carpet bomb the world with a message of support for all peace loving Americans.

Please do the following: 1. Add your name to the list below. (Under the "Hello America!" letter) 2. Forward the whole mail to your friends and contacts, with copies to the following recipients:

American News Medias:
managing-editor@nytimes.com; news-tips@nytimes.com; CNN@cnn.com; letters@washpost.com; localnews@globe.com; slevinson@knightridder.com; rranderson@tribune.com; homeforum@csps.com; world@csmonitor.com; readers.rep@latimes.com; feedback@wsj.com; newseditors@wsj.com; editor@american-reporter.com; cwarmbold@ajc.com; pgast@ajc.com; gbailon@dallasnews.com; rbarrick@dallasnews.com; rchavira@dallasnews.com; philly_feedback@knightridder.com; publiceditor@tribune.com; eyewitness.news@abc.com; daily@timeinc.net; letters@time.com Bush and Cheney: president@whitehouse.gov; vice.president@whitehouse.gov


The USA is on the brink of war. An aggressive and unpredictable leader is spreading fear and insecurity. His name is George W. Bush. Mr. Bush possesses massive arsenals of weapons of mass destruction. He claims he has the right to use them.

He was never elected by a majority of his people. (32 % of adult Americans voted for Bush. He got 539,989 less votes than opponent Al Gore)

He leads a regime, where he himself - and a rich elite - enjoy enormous wealth and growing privileges, while millions live in poverty and despair. People of ethnic minorities are oppressed and humiliated.

His country ranks highest in the world with regard to not signing human rights treaties.

We thank you, America!

We know that most Americans want peace, prosperity and justice for all. You are good people, like most people are, in Iraq, Israel, Palestine, Korea, Ukraine, Australia, Norway, Mexico, Canada, Germany, Indonesia, Brazil, India, Bolivia, Iran, Uganda, Portugal and elsewhere.

We thank you for giving us Abraham Lincoln, Bessie Smith, Elvis Presley, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Hank Williams, Martin Luther King jr., Toni Morrison, Jimi Hendrix, Jesse Owens, Woody Allen, Miles Davis, Ernest Hemingway, Helen Keller, Madonna, John Steinbeck, Jimmy Carter, Julia Roberts, Muhammad Ali and many more. If we can do anything to help you get rid of George W. Bush before he wrecks your reputation and messes up the whole planet, please let us know!

Best regards, Your worried friends in the rest of the World.

Petter Nome, Journalist and TV Producer. Reiulf Steen, Ambassador. Finn Sjue, Journalist and Associate Professor. Sidsel Mørck, Author. Bengt Calmeyer, Author and Journalist. Øystein Djupedal, Member of the Norwegian Parliament. Saera Khan, Member of City Council in Oslo and Central Committee of the Labour Party. Torbjørn Morvik, TV director. Margrethe Aaby, Theater Director. Herman Kristoffersen, Mayor of Tromsø. Knut Nærum, Comedian and Author. Svein Tindberg, Actor. Raymond Johansen, Secretary General. Mette Janson, Journalist. Thomas Hylland Eriksen, Professor of Social Anthropology. Odd Arvid Strømstad, Director. Ranveig Frøiland, Member of the Norwegian Parliament. Pål Gordon Nilsen, Journalist. Jon Wessel-Aas, Lawyer. Magnus Nome, Student. Nina Johnsrud, Journalist. Jannecke Hemsen, Teacher. Bente Aschim, Medical Doctor. Helge Nome, Teacher. Colleen Anne Watkins, Translator. Borgny Baastad, TV Photographer. Marte Haabeth Grindaker, President of Juvente (Youth organisation). Frank Sivertsen, Journalist. Hallvard Hatlestad, IT Proffesional and Competance Developer. Roy Corell, Nurse. Bjørn Jacobsen, Member of the Norwegian Parliament. Nils P. Lie-Gjeseth, Teacher and Webmaster. Thorbjørn Bratt, City Councillor. Sonja Holterman, Journalist. Eirik Sivertsen, Production Manager. Jens Øvrebø, TV Director. Tone Bratteli, Director of Information. Stina Greaker, TV Director. Per A. Thorbjørnsen, Managing Director. Henrik Steen, Writer. Eirik Nome, Student. Birger Kolsrud Jåsund, Journalist. Reidunn Nørstelien, Production Manager. Anne Jensen, Teatcher. Marthe Christensen, Student. Pål Rud Knudsen, Editor. Hilde Hummelvoll, journalist. Bjarte Aune Olsen, Student. Brynjar Widerøe, Sound Engineer. Siri Gellein, Journalist and Singer. Chris Foss, TV Director. Marte Spurkland, Journalist. Jan Holm, Journalist and Author. Øystein Bache, Comedian. Yngvil Kiran, TV Producer. Andreas Lunnan, Journalist. Vivi Stenberg, Journalist. Jan Roger Henriksen, Marketing Director, Torstein Vegheim, TV Director. Kjell Terje Ringdal, Managing Director, Ellen Lund, Historian, Bjørn Holmgren, TV Director, Knut Müller Nilsen, Artist Manager, Ingvild Vaggen Malvik, Member of the Norwegian Parliament. Isabell Skagen, Project Manager, Ivar Johansen, Member of City Parliament Oslo. Karin Torp, 1 vice president of the Norwegian Union of Commercial and Office Employees. Gerd Pedersen, Secretary. Olav Boye, Research Officer, Norwegian Union of Graphical Workers. Lasse Sandberg, Administration Officer, Berit Johanne Berg, Floor Manager, Sten Bjørnø, District Secretary. Ruth Grung, Commissioner for Education and Sports. Knut Fagerbakke, City counsellor. Marianne Borgen, Member of the City Governement in Oslo and Deputy member of Parliament. Aamir J. Sheikh, member of Oslo Council, Conservative Party. Per Sverre Rannem, Mayor in Steinkjer Municipality. Odd Thraning, Major in Levanger Municipality. Oddvar Hølland, Union Representative. Reidar Otto Johnsen, TV Director. Sture Arntzen, President of Norwegian Union of Commercial and Office Employees. Kai Christoffersen, Norwegian Confederation of Trade Union Offshore Representative. Lene Bomann-Larsen, Research Fellow. Atle Teigland, Electrician, Signe Tønsberg, Senior Executive Officer. Hallgeir H. Langeland, Member of the Norwegian Parliament.May Sommerfelt, Director of International Department. Maria Astrup, Graphic Designer. Heidi Sørensen, Member of the Norwegian Parliament. Jan Tore Evensen, Secretary General. Nissa Nyberget, Musician. Rønnaug Tveito, Elin Enge, Kjell Erik Øye, Member of the City Council, Oslo. Tonje Østbye, Procect Manager. Olav Viksmo Slettan, journalist. Jens C. Andreassen, student. Wenche Paulsrud, Head of Unit, YS. Frode Sandberg, Adviser, YS, Johannes Fjose Berg, President, Norwegian association of students, Ola Berg Lande, student. Anne Sigrid Hveem, student.

Check out this story about paths crossing. And make sure your sound is on.

Its only after we have lost everything that we can do anything.